how one argument can change absolutely everything. this is actually one of those things that can’t be repaired or forgotten and it’s a shame. once i feel attacked or abandoned, i can’t trust myself with that person again. i’m in a place that i haven’t been in over two years: alone. i’m not upset more than i am anxious. now i really have time to start doing things on my own and focus on myself without worrying about anything else. starting over is really scary but it’s a process everyone has to go through and now is just one of those times for me. losing the person you felt closest to for such a long time is also one of the scariest things ever. suddenly you feel as if you have no one to turn to & no where to go when times get hard or you just want to cuddle or hang out but what can you do when things just go so wrong that you can’t go back to the times when things were good? you can’t go back to the times where you could just talk & hang out because the trust isn’t there any more. we don’t trust each other any more. everyone starts hating each other. the friends you made because of that person start turning their backs on you even though you’ve helped them out & had great times together in the past as well. there is nothing i can do about it now but i hope that some time in the future when all these feelings of angst, anger, & hurt pass us both that you can look back and remember all the good times we had together. i hope that you can reminisce on the times we spent as friends, more than friends, best friends & everything in between & realize that at the time we were perfect for each other. we learned a lot from each other & those are lessons i will hold on to always. i hope that i won’t become a bad memory in your mind & in your heart because you could never be that in mine. for now, i’ll go through this tough time but when it has passed i’ll know that i spent a wonderful two years knowing & loving you. hopefully, someday, you can say the same about me. no matter how many times i hurt you or how many times you’ve hurt me, i’ll never regret any moment we spent together. you were a gift to me & loved me greatly as i did you.
